A new perspective creating a new approach to parenting.

Through introspection and the changed perspectives on life and how we all have been living, comes also the question of how we can integrate this new knowledge into our parenting journey.

The traditional way of parenting, that many of us have known as the only way to raise a child, has been passed on from many generations. It is a hierarchical and authoritarian way where the child is seen as inherently incapable of growth and achievement by himself and often a great deal of control is used to get a child to behave in a way that is acceptable according to their parents beliefs and they are shaped to fit their ideologies.

This doesn’t take into consideration the child for whom he or she is authentically and individually and therefore any such expressions are often seen as unacceptable and may get frowned upon. And so this child grows up to fit himself into the ideologies of the parents and what is accepted in our culture.

My view on this is that when a child is not allowed to express themselves in the unique way they were meant to do, this conforming to outside expectations, is the beginning of the creation of an identity this child associates himself with, that is not authentically theirs. But nobody complains when that child is behaving according to what is deemed acceptable in our western culture. If a child then “misbehaves” because he is crying to be seen for whom he or she really is, it is met with punishment or discipline to get him back inline with what is yet again acceptable.

So how would we parent our children more consciously then? I believe it starts with looking within and reconnecting with our inner child and integrating the aspects of our shadow self first. Recognizing where we may have perceived a lack of love, a lack of acceptance of who we were or maybe experienced guilt for being who we were, as well as certain emotions we weren’t allowed to express as a child. All of these factors may be playing a big role in how we parent our children today. For example, if we didn’t have a voice as a child, we may unconsciously make sure we have a voice now, not realizing it may override our children’s voice or feelings. Or if there was a feeling of unworthiness, it could possibly show up as not being able to say no, not being able to create healthy boundaries and/or not being able to take time for ourselves.

Knowing that any of these feelings of lack isn’t truly who we are, but that we are worthy of love and acceptance and that our voice always matters is our birthright, and that the influence our parents had on us only resembles their own unconsciousness, may help shift our mind and the way we see our children, and the way we parent them.